Thursday, July 19, 2012

I See Me 

Jake: “I see you.”
Neytiri: “I see you.”
These AVATAR movie quotes actually appear in several places throughout the film. The last time they are used, however, is during a particularly poignant part of the movie where Neytiri saves Jake and really “sees” him for the first time, which refers to the deeper meaning of the world “see” held by the Na'vi.

I don't have a high powered job where I run the whole show, a best selling book on children's yoga or educational psychology, or craft the hottest handmade earrings flying off the jewelry counters in Soho, New York.  I used to think that those were the ultimate goals in my life and I felt like a failure because I only had a Ph.D.   But, I was wrong. 

My goal in my work with children is to embrace the parts I love and deal matter-of-factly with the parts that are total nonsense and boring.    I know I am doing what I should be doing, career-wise, which is working with kids in trouble.  Professionally, for better and worse, I am right where I need to be. 

And, regarding what I write, I don't even care who reads what I write any more.  I just need to write and so I do. When somebody asks, "Who is the audience?" I reply, "I don't care!"  When I get an offer to write a book on a topic I am marginally interested in I feel good about deciding to not do that.  I want to write because I have something to say that is of interest to me.  Period. 

The pleasure I get out of gazing at the lime green and peacock blue enamel earrings glowing red-hot as I carefully remove them from a 1,500 degrees kiln is one reason I hammer, quench, solder and enamel once a week at the art studio.  The other reason is that I love wearing a pair of completely unique, handmade earrings that only I designed and made.  Falling in love with the swirls and lines I am painting all over that crazy butterfly chair that was meant for the dumpster, I know I am doing what I love to do.  When somebody says, "Hey, you could sell those,"  or "I can see your new jewelry line, Just Joy",  I laugh to myself and carry on with the kind of visual art that I want to create with no interest whatsoever in what others might think or what might sell.  I have learned at long last and honestly, continue to learn, that when I care too much about what others think, all inspiration to lead my life like I want to, vanishes. 

If more than my joy of it all happens in life and I write that book or sell that jewelry line or am highly regarded because of my work with kids in the eye's of others, so be it.  But these are not the goals for me any more. The fact that I feel passionate, excited, happy about what I do in my life is all I need.  This is not to say that other opinions are not of interest to me, they just don't mean as much to me anymore. 

And in this change of heart is freedom, peace and excitement! 

No comments:

Post a Comment