Early Onset Alzheimers?

I have recently been very busy. I work hard at work 50+ hours a week. I come home and have a very busy family life. Last night my husband brought up making homemade yogurt. I was thinking about how many more calories there was in full fat vs. no fat yogurt. He was talking fat. I was thinking calories. We have had the fat-in-yogurt conversation several times. As we launched into this conversation once again my husband looked at me and said, "We've had this conversation 8 times!" I just stood there. No we haven't I was thinking. He was thinking fat and I was thinking calories. Earlier that night I was all prepped for Panko-coated cod for dinner. I had defrosted some fish and set up my egg/Panko station to start coating fish. My husband unwrapped the thawed fish as we began to make dinner...and unveiled SALMON! Wow, I'm thinking, I need to slow down and pay more attention. Nothing to be alarmed about. About 10 minutes later my husband pulls me aside with grave concern on his face. I could tell he was thinking, "early onset Alzhemiers!" I had to laugh. All I need is a long nap, a yoga class and/or a 1/2 hour meditation!

DeClutter

This January I decided as easily as I choose whether or not to have toast vs. cereal for breakfast each morning, that all the clutter in my house needs to be gone. My mother-in-law once told me, as I apologized for a messy closet in the room she was staying in, "You'll organize it when you are ready." And, she was right.

I have spent at least one day a weekend since January working my way through all of the filled-up spaces in my house. I have cleaned and purged the pantry, the master closet, the sun room and the garage. The pantry was an 8-hour job that required my husband's help. "I thought this would take two hours!" he complained as we moved into hour 4. I have sent at least 40 pairs of shoes-once-perfect onto other lives. I have thrown out all mateless socks and organized all the remaining pairs by color. Out with the old and cluttery and in with the peacefully organized, I think to myself as I move from one space or box to another.

At first it was difficult. Sifting through a box full and overflowing with old bills, flyers from Macy's and J. Jill cataogues I'd find pictures that distracted me and took me completely off task. "You're going to bash right into back of my Impala!" I could hear mom mother yell out the front door as I zipped around the corner and pulled up to a quick stop in the driveway in my beloved yellow VDub Bug. This 40 year old memory made me smile. I also found pieces of my mother's writing and stopped to cry as I read through the long lists she had written, "Pain in my left arm today. Scared. Will call doc." "I am so nervous today. Feel like I'm not in my body. Must get sleep."

Over time the organizing and spelunking has become more of an adventure. Today as I sat next to a box the size of Montana, I wondered if I'd find any money. Over the course of 3 hours in which I moved and shifted, sorted and stacked, I found the missing elevator code information; insurance papers for our kitchen stove, refrigerator and dishwasher; a collection of e-mails I sent out in preparation for a book I imagine writing about kids teachers don't like; a journal I wrote during the first visit back to Idaho after my mom died, and a type-written description of some crazy dream I once had, " I drempt I was in a hotel room and baby Dobermans were trying to get in!" Lordy. And then, way down at the bottom of this box, under the weight of several pounds of mostly unimportant sheets and unopened envelopes I found a tidy little manila file with 4 gift certificates from our wedding (4 1/2 years ago) tucked inside!

My current plan is to organize all the spaces in my life and to keep them that way. I will neatly keep what I want, need, or just don't want to let go. Everything else leaves our home. I have two big boxes left and my dresser-drawers to purge. There are are also a couple of smaller cupboards to clear out. I'm thinking this may be a yearly January ritual for me from now on!

Bags and bags of old bills, receipts, magazines and LLBean catalogues, along with scribbles on scrap paper and 1/2 filled notebooks, have now made their way to the dump. Only the neat and organized will survive.

We Are the People...oy!

I have been totally enjoying life recently. I have ceased running around like a crazy woman. I work, I work out, I enjoy my life. But recently, I missed yoga. I don't miss studying for yoga certification, taking class, having to drive 30 minutes to meet with my yoga mentor. But I did miss the calm of a yoga class. I missed the peaceful tunes that float around the yoga space. I missed meditation with others and that deeply relaxed feeling when mind and body finally settle.

And, so I tried my first yoga class in months. As I entered the room at the end of a long and busy day, I was happy to see 3 candles flickering away near the instructor's mat. It was a welcoming, peaceful beginning which didn't last long. As the hair on my arms woke up, goose bumps covered my body in the frigid room. Some fan was blowing the air and the instructor seemed unable to get the temperature above freezing. Barefoot with only a top and yoga pants on, I felt like I was taking frost yoga.

I may have been able to forgive the chilly air (I'll bring a fleece jacket next time I thought) but once we began to move into our yoga poses, I started to hear, "We are the people," once, then twice, then three times....that one song, that one phrase, playing over and over and over became Chinese torture to me. I wanted to laugh, run away, and/or smash the CD player. "Breathe in, breathe out. Let you leg float towards Mother Earth," I was directed. Half-listening to her instructions, I looked up at the clock the next time, "We are the people," tortured by ears. I'm checking the next time it starts again, I thought. Maybe I'm delusional. But 6 minutes later as I checked the clock, "We are the people," floated through the air. I wanted to scream. In my hour-long class, which ran 10 minutes long, I heard "We are the people, " some 12 times!

And although the instructor appears to be a perfectly lovely woman, her practice was purely physical, move you leg here, swing your arm this way. I am a somewhat spiritual person. I have always enjoyed yoga philosophy. And nearly every other yoga class I have taken in the years I trained to be a yoga teacher (6), we always ended in at least a 10 minute meditation. Here we posed for 70 minutes on that chilly evening while "We are the people," droned on in the background, over and over! Oy.

In my mind I longed for the yoga classes I took in San Francisco where the instructors chanted and the music was mesmerizing. I may try another studio. But in the meantime, I am going back to doing my own thing. At least I am warm and in control of the tunes I'm listening to.

Eleven Eleven

So, I have been taking a break of late. Seems like I have forever been earning a Ph.D., presenting workshops in Atlanta and Chicago, then getting certified in yoga at the highest level (500 hours), taking additional yoga seminars around the country, taking meditation training, learning about Buddhism, writing a yoga blog, a personal blog and an art blog, taking a sabbatical, creating and running a gifted math program, teaching yoga to kids twice a week, setting up a fused glass display and making all the jewelry to sell my "jewels" in town, imagining writing a book all the while teaching full-time, working out 5 times a week, trying to eat and cook in the healthiest way possible, being there for family, friends and dogs.....I have just needed to STOP. Life is good, I have found, just as it is :) Oh, I am taking an art class which I love on Friday nights....but just for fun.

10-5-01 Long Brown Socks

I work with kids with special needs.
One of my students has autism and a challenging home life.
Another has serious learning problems and a difficult home life.
A first grader I work with spent much of his first day crying, yelling and looking pretty miserable.
I don't think it's a surprise I work with such kids.
When I look back at yet another of my mother's scribbles
(she must have been taking a writing class?)
I see that my mother was one of these little waifs
that I now get paid to work with....

How I hated them! I lived on a farm during WWII and it was cold. Snow, crunchy roads, shiny spots of ice, cars clanking along with chains. I loved the trees, especially with snow falling and the crisp feel in the air.

Mom made me wear these ugly, brown cotton sox from ankle to thigh and kept up by brown metal garters and a belt. I would leave for school with them on to pick up the school bus. There were trees on either side of the driveway and after I got to school I would go to the girl's room, unclip my sox and roll them in big soft rolls to my ankles. All day long the garter banged against my legs freezing me and pinching my skin.

On my way home up came the sox, fastened and if mom knew what I did, I didn't hear about it.

Headaches

As I was cleaning piles of paper,
what is the matter with me and these piles of paper,
anyway, I was cleaning them up, finally and happily getting organized
I found this story written in my mom's own handwriting.
No wonder I don't like to go through these piles.
Her life was challenging....

My old friends? (sarcasm) As Mom used to say, "If I had a nickel for every headache I ever had, I would be rich."

Mostly in the left eye, shooting up through my skull, burning, boring, penetrating down on my left side of my neck deep in the muscles of my neck.

Give it up, Joyce. The day is given over to my pain. Discouraging, depressing. Who could understand. Isolating. It seems that only someone else who suffers chronic headaches could understand. Lynn has learned to accommodate after I learned to be straight with him and expect his understanding.

I always felt shame about anything that hurt my body. A need to hide.

I keep so much secret; like I must hide myself from discovery.

Restorative Yoga

Me trying to relax at the training in San Francisco. Right? With 80 other "relaxers"
chatting away while we learn how to be Restorative Yoga teachers not much relaxing and renewing here!

Restorative yoga, Relax and Renew is what restorative yoga guru Judith Lasater calls it, is about relaxing your body. To get there, you are propped up in various positions by blankets, blocks and bolsters. The few times I've practiced on people in order to get my certification, I have been most amazed at what a novel concept relaxing is to some people. "No, this is not about stretching or pushing or pulling," I tell my students. "This is about getting into a comfortable pose," I go on, "you know, about just letting your body find comfort and just settling into that." It's easy to tell when somebody finds relaxation. Recently, I put blankets under one of my new students, a yoga teacher, in such a way that her head fell gently over the top of them. OK, I could tell she was getting into the "moment." Then she put her arms out in T-formation...."Ahhhhh," was all she said! Yep, that's it! You are relaxed.

I find it hard to relax once I'm back into full-time work. That's easy during summer vacation but in a few days I'll be back at it, 6,000 hours a day; 87 days a week. I think I'll be bringing bolsters, blocks and blankets to my work! Lunchtime relaxing and renewing! That might just work for me :)

Joyful Curly Girl

So, we'll see. Saturday we "installed" this display in a new boutique in downtown Portsmouth, Buddhi. Many thanks to Aaron and Jess for wanting to sell my fused glass!

Happy Birthday to Me :)

This beautiful vase was purchased by my dad in Boise, Idaho at a local artisan glass "factory". He just sent it to me so I wouldn't have to hand carry it back from out West. What a beautiful gift, Dad. Thank you!

Relaxed Now and Renewed :)

So, can I just tell you how much time it took to find a copy of Judith Lasater's book for my upcoming training in San Francisco. Who knew that once a book has a new edition, book sellers let the old edition run out. For the book I need which was published a year ago, the new edition won't be available until November. It looked like it was available through Barnes and Noble, they took my money and then 2 days later sent me an e-mail saying, "cancelled" with no more information. In the meantime every place I called ran out of the book, across the country! The library couldn't order it in time for me. Oy vey!

OK, go the used book route. That worked until I found out that Expedited shipping can take 14 days to actually have the book in hand (which I only found out on the last page of my order). You pay $7.99 to get it shipped within 2-6 days but it could take another 10 to get the book in your hands. False advertising. I cancelled that order. I finally broke down, literally (haha) and downloaded the book onto my iPad. It's significantly cheaper and I have it.....in my hands right now! I'm hooked.

So, now I AM finally relaxed...and renewed! What an experience. For one who loves technology, it took a lot for me to try downloading a book. I was forced into it. But I will do it again!

What a Doll that Girl is!

What to get for a little girl for her 3rd birthday?
Why not paint a cute little doll frame.
And how about crazy pink hair (thanks, Grampie for drilling the hair holes) with a yellow butterfly hovering just overhead.
And a yellow dress with pink polka dots that match her pink shoes.
Yep, that ought to make her smile.

The Beach!

So, we have lived at our condo for well over 5 years now. Not by choice (nasty housing market as we all know), but we are here.
That entire time we have looked at the beach, enjoyed the sunsets, been boating across the water. I have only "combed it" once.
Now, with our new stairs we have a giant front yard and the dogs loved it!

This Sunday, the dogs played fetch (well, Olivia kind of ran/limped with that sore paw), swam, ran, and exhausted themselves.
Which is always good for the humans!

And this is why Ms. O has a limp paw. We found huge amounts of glass on the beach.
It's not too clear here but this bag is 1/4 of the way full.
There is green glass, white glass, brown glass...all waiting to slice open the innocent piece of flesh!
My new job is to comb frequently and warn all visitors, "Flip flops required at all times."
But, it's still way fun.

Pups

Look at these faces? Who wouldn't love such cute dogs??
These two are like kids.
One is mellow and cool...that would be Mr. Sammy. Mellow, yes.
However, I have renamed him Conan the Destroyer. He will chew anything until it is completely....destroyed!

The other has a serious case of ADHD, that would be Ms. O.
Poor pup is still limping around from her paw injury :(
Crazy dogs that we love!
Decked out in neck gear....too cute!